“Ain’t that the ____ truth?”

By Dan Carpenter on 10/25/11

See that blank spot in the title? What’d your brain put there?

Wait! Don’t tell me – just know: it’s a blank – that’s it. ANYTHING else you might read there, see there, or imagine there – is you.  Or, perhaps more accurately, it’s the world speaking through you.

It’s our culture. Our social setting.

This land of polite customer service, board room profanity, and street talk in the alleys. I know – I’ve seen a lot of back rooms, a few alleys too. Sales rooms. Street corners. Legal offices. Locker rooms. Architectural practices. Parking lots. Venture capital offices. Heavy metal bars… it doesn’t matter. In all of them there is, consistently, a back room approach to language.

It’s this ridiculous social bargain we’ve struck.

A bargain that states that: be you to one side or the other of this social divide – THE RULES DON’T APPLY TO YOU. That’s why I might find more in common between the speech of a managing partner at a downtown legal firm and that of your average punk kid at the 7-11 than I do between that managing partner and you or I.

Because both of these folks have realized that in terms of wealth, opportunity, and social position…. You and I can’t do _____ about it. They are secure – at either the top of that chain or the bottom. Ponder that for a second and consider what we see on TV. Again and again it’s the streets and the clouds isn’t it? Often it’s both – we get the down on his luck protagonist in the 9K a month apt in NY…. Or the Hip-hop star, loaded from head to toe with street, quietly filing his capital gains returns hoping no one notices his bursting IRA. THAT is our culture.

Our culture is IN LOVE with those who have wealth… and those that don’t, and the ‘freedom’ that comes with each. The rest of us, somewhere in the middle, we’re a bit more bound aren’t we? It can certainly feel that way. It can be easy, very easy, to idealize the freedom of the ‘no cares’ kid, or the ‘easy going’ well to do gentleman.

Why?

Because freedom is the high ideal of our culture. Illusory or not. Wealthy and without a care. Shiftless and without a responsibility. Free… and free to let the world know it in the way they please.

They can get away with behaving, and speaking, as if they aren’t accountable to anyone. They can afford to throw out ‘I dare you’ language again and again. They are beholden to none. It is, in many ways, the darker side of the American dream, an ideology of claiming something solely for oneself, of being free of any and all restraint. And without much thought a lot of us idealize it. We mimic it. Borrowing from culture a habit we literally cannot afford.

It goes too far.

It isn’t real.

Because we are accountable aren’t we?

We are beholden – to one. We don’t have the ability to look around and declare that we are free of restraint – quite the opposite. We are fully bound in restraint. We are fully bound in purpose.

It’s a pretty stark realization. To suddenly see the profanity of the wealthy and the poor alike for what it is… some meaningless noise in the night; a being trying desperately to declare itself as being free. As being wholly ‘owned’ – beholden to none. A lie, told to the self and all who are around the teller.

So take it from me, a guy who has spent plenty of time in boardrooms and alleyways, who has let more than his share of profanity roll from his tongue: the meek sound of profanity is nothing more than a declaration of loneliness. A false independence – no matter if it is claimed in wealth, poverty, or indifference – profaning “_____ you!” is nothing but self talk. Between the heart of the lonely child on the street or that of the wealthy man sitting alone in his tower… there is less difference than one would expect. 

Because if the rules don’t apply to you… who and what do you apply to? Nothing. No one. Considering it this way… profanity is a testament to meaninglessness. A purposeless life. Each instance a declaration of a false state - that we exist in isolation. That we are fully ‘ours.’

And that’s not us. So, if you’re like me, and your life, career, and culture has allowed your tongue to run to excess… try curbing it a bit. Consider where that profanity comes from, what in our social order it is ‘celebrating.’ I myself ‘swear like a sailor’ (B. Beals - 3 years ago) – something that to be honest, I haven’t thought much about till now.

With the exception of taking the Lords name in vain, I didn’t think the question of my language was relevant. I saw it as cultural bias. Judgment. Ignorance.

I went beyond Brandon’s example of the arrogant swearer and became something altogether more embarrassing – I was a righteous-swearer (someone needs to tell B that’s not a word…). Yeah. Uh-huh. No… seriously. I was. I wore it like badge. “Who are you to tell me?” was what I was saying to the world around me. And I saw, in my business, in those alleys, and in those board rooms that the doors all opened. The world bore out my approach.

It rewarded me. And all the while, some doors stood closed. And they stayed that way for a long time. It wasn’t until I began to curb myself, to withdraw my investment in our culture of excessive language that I got to see what stood behind those other doors.

Because language is a passport. A choice.

Declaring one way will mean that the other way is barred… it’s a rare event that all doors will stand open regardless. Which really brings us to a critical decision doesn’t it? Where do you want to be? Do you even know what you’re choosing between? Have you looked?

As Brandon said, you can likely drop ‘F’ bombs all the way to heaven… but do you want to? If that’s you, as it was me, consider seeing what’s behind the other doors. The ones opened by restraint. By self-control. By (shudder) some small conformity to social standards of the cultural niche you’re standing in. Give it a try.

It’s a bit like Pascal’s wager – what do you have to lose? Your independence? If your independence is defined by the ability to describe coitus in four letters is that REALLY the independence you want? To identify with the street? With the wealthy? Are you ‘street’? Are you ‘wealthy,’ can you afford your tongue? A poseur then? Is that what you want? To be alone?

No?

Good.

Then take note that you aren’t alone. The rules do apply to you. Just like they do to me, to Brandon and to the host of fantastic people we share our church with.

Besides, should you change your mind and decide to let the bombs fly… trust me: the loneliness of the world will be there for you, waiting. It’s up to you.

Back to Top