Honoring the Dishonorable

By Dan Carpenter on 11/7/11

To far too many being someones son, or daughter, isn’t a seeming honor but a dishonor. A torment. And yet, we are commanded, “Honor thy Father and Mother.” Commanded? By whom? God.

Creator of the universe. Designer of all things. Architect of your free will. Well. An impressive set of credentials isn’t it?

If you believe that as I do, it can make for a hard situation. If you’ve suffered enough at the hands of parents running rough as beasts, the promise of longevity, stability, and redemption might not be so persuasive. That command, no matter who from… I could see it being difficult, nigh impossible to carry out. I’d understand. 

So I’d ask you this. Forget the command for a moment, and consider Christ’s words in Luke 12 “51 Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but division. 52 From now on there will be five in one family divided against each other, three against two and two against three. 53 They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.” This division is to be expected. Our difficulty in following the commandment is anticipated. Our job is to ensure that if division remains at the end of the day it is not petty, it is not ours, and it has been placed before God.

Now consider the commandment. You don’t know what will or will not happen if you follow it. That is in God’s hands. The only thing in yours is a decision.

Your job, and mine, is to honor our parents. Even parents who have hurt us, relished in cruelty, and dishonored their role. To forgive them. To bring Christ to them. To walk to these people, these parents, who have stained themselves in sin, in mistreatment of your person and LET GO.

Worst case scenario they reject your grace. And you get to walk, in tune with God, free in your heart. Best case scenario? They wake up. They hear not just you but God. 

Which means repentance. Acceptance of their behavior. An honest accounting of themselves. I remember when I found God… it wasn’t easy. It certainly wasn’t painless. 

Remember, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. (Matthew 7:1 NIV)” You own your own choices, and no one else’s.

So try it. No matter how ugly their past. Forgive. Show grace. Let go. Honor, even if you’re honoring people who wouldn’t understand the word.

And then? Get out of the way. Let God do the rest.

Back to Top